they dont call me "ICEMAN" fer nth...

the stretch of road has gotten dark. i don see any light at the end. i really miss ma grandpa. ive made prolly the biggest regret to date. like why in the fuckin world did i not spend more time with him??? 'nuf said, i wanna join him in harmony. he still lingers in ma memory, and has brushed past in ma dreams. anth to bring back the good 'ol days. but as we all fuckin know, fate has other plans. besides that everything else is in a mess, duplicated turmoil in the heartlands. life has lost its value as a implicable 4-letter word that surrounds destiny. angels have lost its wings. the truth has began to show itself upon wat mankind preaches as eternity. u know every woman claims they need atleast 4 basic animals; a mink coat in the closet, a jaguar in the driveway, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all. but if they so desperately need tha company of animals why come to us men and fake innocence? do we look like 4-legged furry creatures that lack the domains of a sixth sense? crazy feature.

Oh ma God, this is MA jam...

now that ive got this darn job out of the way, i needa really sit and plan ma life thtz ahead. its so hard to find the perfect job. juz like a perfect woman, which is off course juz a myth, the perfect job never seems to present itself to anyone. someone said i ought to be a lawyer, but tht gave meaning to a whole new bullcrap. then someone mentioned being a politician. but over here, it aint nth more than a puppet to a tyrant. unless i take to the footsteps of the late mr. jeyaretnam and be as radical as can be. but off course i do not plan to get exiled or anth, yet, so maybe that option is out as well. and then of course there's the one marvellous job that has been eluding many yet enticing some; a teacher. yes, i wana be a teacher! i wanna preach physical education to a nation that has been engulfed by the fast-food franchise. i wanna sit all the lil children down and drill some 'fitness sense' into them. then again id prolly be tormented by the lil rascals, and thtz when u will see me being chased ard by thirty odd cute lil brainiacs.

i stepped into the gym after a mnth and boy have i missed training like crazy. im starting training again and im goin all out this time. id prolly be goin everyday from now on. and besides i needa get ma mind of certain things, and people. and if u have the freakin time, do check out ma gym's blog and watch the two demo vids of ma coach. he's freakin insane, and he's deft an inspiration. btw, he's the one wearing the black shorts. cheerioz!

I need smeone right beside me now...

life has never been down b4. i worked like a dog for a mnth and they have the fuckin cheek to screw up my pay! i might as well join a production team and work as a factory worker for the amount im gettin with this fuck of a company im workin for. and cuz of tht im broke now. its my fuckin off day and i cant even go out. im stuck at home facing the four walls and dreading the hours away. and not to mention ive got nobody to go out with either. im juz a bloody loner whu seeks people, for ive never been seeked by anyone else. am i tht ugly or smth? or are people gettin so money-faced that poor freaks like me do not deserve to have friends? the only other thing free besides an applause was friendship but even tht ship has been tagged with a price! i feel so ever lonely and down now. i need someone by my side now. the passing of my grandpa has not subdued inside me and its in this lonely hours tht i think of him. tears hve become my best friend. sadness has become my only company in this darkest hours. i realy need someone by my side to help me through this dark trecherous road. to the ones i already have plz stop ditching me for the happier side. the end of the road looks ableak and im looking for a fork road. contemplating suicide wasnever an option but id rather be cast away alone on a island with nth but the company of boredom and the jubliation of death.

W.O.M.E.N

its so hard to find the, or shal i say, a proper woman these days. as hard as they get, they simply resemble men. long gone were those wrinkled days where feminine was the word to go amongst women. now it seems, that thet word masculine has been re-defined by the very same mortals. but then there are some biches whu venture out to spoil the good name of all merry women out there. litle can be said of such dwellings for all they proclaim is self-respect and what they give out is utter disgust. respect yaself, and be respected. degrade ya dignity, and the words will follow suit.

SAD.ness.DENED

its so blody hard! damn i miss tht old man! i cant seem to digest that bitter fact till now! its like he was juz ard a few days ago and now he's gone? kinda odd that God takes away the good souls and lets the demented stay and roam this earth.or this was prolly why he had to go in the first place, for sucha man was not meant to dirty his feet on such soiled grounds called earth. but its gonna be real hard without him now. sucha dilemma has be-fallen this family and the empire is shaken at the lost of its king. a huge regret im sitting upon, for i never took the effort to spend much time with him in the last few years. well ma dear fren wherever you are, please do take care and remove whatever obstacles life has in store for me aight? wat are buddies for right!

Eternal Serenity.

till death do us apart. or so they say. but what we part are just the memories of a lifetime. life is such an uncertainty. dwellings that were meant to meet their doom. sudden gestures of God that take us off balance. a likely situation that many would face, but not wat i had expected to happen with me. a twist of fate as they had it, and i sit meticulously striving through the years of growing up and i realised i have lotsa making up to do. to one, whu has passed on, ma sincere apologies for not being there through the last years. all the tears i shed cant be compared to the amount of guilt i have inside. i'll teribbly miss you. be good up there aight. it was splendid having you as a grandad, but too bad good things always come to an end. sometimes i wonder what He has in store for us. like why take away the good people and keep the scumbags on earth? or has He justified the fact that earth is indeed a place for such shitheads and screwballs to roam on? i sometimes wish i cd join the loved ones up there. away from all these misery that the world has to offer. too bad, ma time hasnt come i guess. and i must have sinned alot in ma past life to have to go through this hell-of-a-life in this lifetime.

Women in ponytails, who do their nails

its been a long time since i wrote any shits down, and thtz cause i have had no time to even sit at the computer table ever since i started work! im in a total mess! or shd i say the company i work for is in a total pile or crap?!! its been 2nd week of work and nobody has came forward with the contract-signing, and tht puts me in the 'phantom' position in the company!! haha im juz a ghost in black and white cause i do not exist on the database!! i can juz choose to leave, walk-out or in ma context dissapear anytime i want. but ive made equal attempts to ensure i do get ma worth's pay in an event i decide to stay till the end of the month and more. ma shifts are horrible and i work amlost everyday in a week! i know feel the importance of stayin home on off days as the other 6 days are spent at work. i get ma ass back, sit for 5 mins and off to bed juz to get up at 4 in the morn to hit work. boy ive never spent this much of money on cabs in one week!! im hoping things wd turn out better. fuck i shd have thought twice b4 agreeing to this shithole. i miss the good old days. i wanna run away. i wanna elope. and im super underpaid for the shit i do. so many regrets in life. and all i have as a companion is alcohol. thank you ma frend.