all i wanna know..

time tells. or so they say.

watz diwali without grandpa? asked grandma. watz life without him, i thought. conspicuous as it seems, it was an un-deniable fact that his presence is greatly missed and his absence, greatly felt. it somehow downpours on the festive mood and bargains with the days happenings. it was so uneasy as i entered the house. the silence was goin thru the goosebumps. the smiles and handshakes hid the sorrows and disturbia within. even i nearly broke a tear thinkin of his absence, on how he used to be so noisy and commenting away on everything he could. it was always busy and crazy with him ard, never once was there a quiet moment at such occasions. but this time round felt so diferent. some were tryna break the ice with quirky conversations and heart-felt jokes. others juz immersed themselves with the quiet memories and glazed their sights upon the tv, with only their eyes revealin the truth. i miss him loads, and im sure he knows that. watz left is the huge regret that will never stop bothering me. he's left, without seeing his fav grandkid soar the skies and reach for the stars.

ive taken to saree fashion as of late. its smth bout these customary costumes that seem to dazzle even the greatest of stars. handiworks of phabolous fingers and nimble minds put together to create such astonishing masterpieces. so fine is the intricasy that it puts the sparkle to whueva models it. its the simple sex appeal that catches the eye, i guess. and the way fushion introduces the east and west in sensational! the once used 'rajesthan tops' have made way for halter necks and bikini tops. wat a way to go for being 'traditional'!

i feel that everyone is movin away from me. boredom ha never been so lonely. most, whu call themselves frens, have been distancing themselves from me. i don feel close to anione animore.. its like ive got no one to turn to these days. pple whu were close to me seem to have vanished. thay have taken to the happier side, clinging on to other frens whu can promise better value and fun. i spend ma days at home abiding the four walls and a laptop, which has become ma only fren. its like no one's there animore. ive never felt this lonely. pple come back to me and give me high hopes but destroy it the very next instant they find someone else to leech on. wat wrong have i done to mankind?? why is everybody, EVERYBODY, movin away? think about it and let me know aight.

they dont call me "ICEMAN" fer nth...

the stretch of road has gotten dark. i don see any light at the end. i really miss ma grandpa. ive made prolly the biggest regret to date. like why in the fuckin world did i not spend more time with him??? 'nuf said, i wanna join him in harmony. he still lingers in ma memory, and has brushed past in ma dreams. anth to bring back the good 'ol days. but as we all fuckin know, fate has other plans. besides that everything else is in a mess, duplicated turmoil in the heartlands. life has lost its value as a implicable 4-letter word that surrounds destiny. angels have lost its wings. the truth has began to show itself upon wat mankind preaches as eternity. u know every woman claims they need atleast 4 basic animals; a mink coat in the closet, a jaguar in the driveway, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all. but if they so desperately need tha company of animals why come to us men and fake innocence? do we look like 4-legged furry creatures that lack the domains of a sixth sense? crazy feature.

Oh ma God, this is MA jam...

now that ive got this darn job out of the way, i needa really sit and plan ma life thtz ahead. its so hard to find the perfect job. juz like a perfect woman, which is off course juz a myth, the perfect job never seems to present itself to anyone. someone said i ought to be a lawyer, but tht gave meaning to a whole new bullcrap. then someone mentioned being a politician. but over here, it aint nth more than a puppet to a tyrant. unless i take to the footsteps of the late mr. jeyaretnam and be as radical as can be. but off course i do not plan to get exiled or anth, yet, so maybe that option is out as well. and then of course there's the one marvellous job that has been eluding many yet enticing some; a teacher. yes, i wana be a teacher! i wanna preach physical education to a nation that has been engulfed by the fast-food franchise. i wanna sit all the lil children down and drill some 'fitness sense' into them. then again id prolly be tormented by the lil rascals, and thtz when u will see me being chased ard by thirty odd cute lil brainiacs.

i stepped into the gym after a mnth and boy have i missed training like crazy. im starting training again and im goin all out this time. id prolly be goin everyday from now on. and besides i needa get ma mind of certain things, and people. and if u have the freakin time, do check out ma gym's blog and watch the two demo vids of ma coach. he's freakin insane, and he's deft an inspiration. btw, he's the one wearing the black shorts. cheerioz!

I need smeone right beside me now...

life has never been down b4. i worked like a dog for a mnth and they have the fuckin cheek to screw up my pay! i might as well join a production team and work as a factory worker for the amount im gettin with this fuck of a company im workin for. and cuz of tht im broke now. its my fuckin off day and i cant even go out. im stuck at home facing the four walls and dreading the hours away. and not to mention ive got nobody to go out with either. im juz a bloody loner whu seeks people, for ive never been seeked by anyone else. am i tht ugly or smth? or are people gettin so money-faced that poor freaks like me do not deserve to have friends? the only other thing free besides an applause was friendship but even tht ship has been tagged with a price! i feel so ever lonely and down now. i need someone by my side now. the passing of my grandpa has not subdued inside me and its in this lonely hours tht i think of him. tears hve become my best friend. sadness has become my only company in this darkest hours. i realy need someone by my side to help me through this dark trecherous road. to the ones i already have plz stop ditching me for the happier side. the end of the road looks ableak and im looking for a fork road. contemplating suicide wasnever an option but id rather be cast away alone on a island with nth but the company of boredom and the jubliation of death.